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Why are people so difficult?

Dealing with difficult people is a universal challenge that everyone faces at some point in their lives. Whether it’s a colleague at work, a family member, or even a friend, difficult relationships can test our patience and resolve. As Christians, we are called to handle these situations with grace and love, guided by biblical principles. This post will explore how we can navigate these challenging interactions, drawing inspiration from historical figures, the Bible, and practical psychological tools.

Throughout history, many great leaders and thinkers have clashed with others but ultimately found ways to reconcile and work together. These stories remind us that even the most intense conflicts can lead to growth and understanding.

Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X were two prominent leaders in the Civil Rights Movement with starkly different approaches. King advocated for nonviolent resistance, while Malcolm X promoted a more militant stance. Their differing philosophies initially created tension between their followers. However, as they evolved in their thinking, both men began to see the value in each other’s perspectives. King recognized the importance of Malcolm’s message of black empowerment, and Malcolm X began to appreciate King’s commitment to nonviolence. This mutual respect helped bridge the gap between their ideologies, strengthening the overall movement for racial equality.

Winston Churchill and Franklin D. Roosevelt During World War II, Winston Churchill and Franklin D. Roosevelt had to navigate their own differences to lead the Allied forces to victory. Churchill, the steadfast British Prime Minister, often clashed with Roosevelt, the pragmatic American President, over military strategies and post-war plans. Despite their disagreements, they maintained a strong personal bond and a shared vision for defeating tyranny. Their ability to find common ground and work together was crucial in securing victory and establishing a lasting peace.

The Takeaway These historical examples illustrate that conflicts, while challenging, can lead to stronger relationships and better outcomes when approached with mutual respect and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives. They remind us that finding common ground is possible, even in the face of significant differences.

The Challenge of Dealing with Difficult People

Dealing with difficult people is challenging because it often triggers our deepest emotional responses. When someone frustrates, angers, or annoys us, our natural reactions can escalate the situation.

Human Nature and Conflict Human nature is complex, and our reactions to conflict are influenced by various psychological factors. Pride and ego can make it hard to admit when we’re wrong or to empathize with someone who seems unreasonable. Emotional responses, like anger and frustration, can cloud our judgment and lead to regrettable actions.

Common Reactions Common reactions to difficult people include avoidance, confrontation, and passive-aggressive behavior. Avoidance can lead to unresolved issues and lingering resentment. Confrontation, if not handled constructively, can escalate into more significant conflicts. Passive-aggressive behavior, such as sarcastic comments or silent treatment, can undermine relationships and create a toxic environment.

Biblical Teachings on Unity and Dealing with Difficult People

The Bible offers profound wisdom on how to handle difficult relationships, emphasizing unity, love, and forgiveness.

Unity in the Bible Unity is a central theme in the Bible, and Christians are called to live in harmony with one another. Psalm 133:1 states, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Unity doesn’t mean the absence of conflict but rather the presence of a spirit of reconciliation and peace.

Specific Scriptures

  • Matthew 5:44: "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." This verse teaches us to respond to hostility with love and prayer, transforming our hearts and potentially softening the hearts of those who oppose us.

  • Ephesians 4:2-3: "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Humility, gentleness, and patience are key to maintaining unity and handling difficult interactions.

  • Proverbs 15:1: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." This wisdom encourages us to respond calmly to defuse anger and prevent escalation.

  • Romans 12:18: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." We are urged to do our part in seeking peace, recognizing that some situations may remain unresolved despite our best efforts.

Interpreting and Applying These Teachings These scriptures provide a framework for dealing with difficult people. By embracing love, humility, and patience, we can approach conflicts with a mindset focused on reconciliation and peace. This biblical perspective challenges us to look beyond our immediate reactions and seek deeper understanding and harmony.

Handling Abuse and Intentional Harm

While the Bible encourages us to love and forgive, it also calls us to protect ourselves and others from harm.

Distinguishing Difficult People from Abusers It’s important to distinguish between difficult people and those who are abusive. Difficult people might frustrate or annoy us, but abusers intend to cause harm. The principles discussed in this post should be filtered through this lens first and do not apply to abusive relationships, remember setting healthy boundaries is crucial.

Biblical Perspective on Abuse The Bible condemns abuse and promotes justice and protection for the oppressed. Psalm 82:3-4 says, “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” This highlights our responsibility to stand against abuse and seek safety.

Resources for Abuse Victims If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, it’s crucial to seek help from trusted friends, family, or professional services. Many organizations provide support for abuse victims, including hotlines, shelters, and counseling services.

Tools and Changing Perspectives

In addition to biblical teachings, these tools can help us manage our interactions with difficult people effectively.

Empathy and Understanding Empathy involves putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes and trying to understand their feelings and motivations. This can help us see the situation from a different perspective and respond more compassionately.

Active Listening Active listening means fully concentrating, understanding, and responding thoughtfully to what the other person is saying. This technique can prevent misunderstandings and show the other person that we value their perspective.

Setting Boundaries Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining respectful and functional relationships. Boundaries help us protect our emotional well-being and communicate our needs and limits clearly.

Mindfulness and Stress Management Practicing mindfulness and stress management techniques can help us stay calm and composed during difficult interactions. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and prayer can reduce stress and improve our ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Practical Steps for Dealing with Difficult People

Combining biblical teachings with practical tools can equip us to handle difficult people more effectively.

Self-Reflection and Prayer Taking time for self-reflection and prayer allows us to seek God’s guidance and gain clarity on how to handle challenging relationships. Prayer can provide peace and wisdom, helping us approach the situation with a calm and open heart.

Seeking Counsel and Support Talking about our struggles with trusted friends, mentors, or church leaders can offer new perspectives and practical advice. Support from others can provide encouragement and help us feel less isolated in our challenges.

Actionable Steps

  • Pause Before Reacting: Taking a moment to breathe and think before responding can prevent hasty reactions and help us choose a more measured response.

  • Choose Your Battles: Not every conflict is worth engaging in. Sometimes, letting go of minor irritations can preserve peace and focus our energy on more significant issues.

  • Practice Forgiveness: Forgiveness is a continuous process that frees us from bitterness and allows us to move forward positively.


Navigating relationships with difficult people is a challenging but rewarding endeavor. By combining biblical principles with practical tools, we can approach these interactions with love, patience, and wisdom. Remember that even the most challenging relationships can lead to growth and understanding. As we strive to live in harmony with others, let us seek God’s guidance and remain hopeful that reconciliation and peace are always possible.

Additional Resources

  • Further Reading: "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, "The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict" by Ken Sande.

  • Support Groups and Counseling Services: Information on local church support groups, Christian counseling services, and online resources like Focus on the Family and the American Association of Christian Counselors. And of course, we at Crossroads offer a variety of training, equipping, and ministry for families and individuals on unity and related topics.


Lord, may we as your body be united. Help us to cast doubt, fear, anxiety, and anything that would cause divisions at your feet. Heal our minds and hearts and help us to deal well with everyone around us no matter how difficult they may seem. Help us to set healthy boundaries and to keep those boundaries to protect what's important. Teach us Lord to be more like you in every way.

Thank you Lord.


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